I want to be kind – last small (HUGE) stone Jan 31

I want to be kind
But not a pushover

I want to be gentle and compassionate
But so often I am just grumpy and irritable

I want to be loving
But too often anger wins

I want to be content
But I am permeated by discontent

I want to be settled
But I seem to crave change

I want to be grateful
But really I want more

I want to be with others
But usually I’m more content alone

I want to be decisive
But it’s hard when faced with a thousand possibilities 

I want to be here
But so often I really want to be there

I want to be happy
But I wonder too much what that really means
to truly be able to claim it

I want to be thin
But I resist the discourses of patriarchal culture 
And pretend to eat what I like

I want to live in harmony and balance 
But how will I recognize them
Without first knowing disharmony and chaos?

I want to be rich
But not at any price

I want to help
But sometimes I just want to sleep

I want to be intelligent, witty and clever
But mostly I just muddle through

I want to be original or grand
Rather than mundane or inadequate
But I’m working on genuine and authentic

Sometimes, I want to be you, or him or her
But always I am just me,
imperfect, whole
and truly blessed.

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8 responses to “I want to be kind – last small (HUGE) stone Jan 31

  1. Oh Shanee, this is so eloquently expressed. In the evolutionary spirituality course that I’m taking, we are currently exploring the “ambivalence” of the human condition, so this offering could not have been more perfectly timed for me. I hope you won’t mind if I share it with the course community that I’m part of. Love, Jo

  2. Jo, I am so glad it arrived at a perfect time for you, I almost didn’t share it as it is not exactly a small stone, but it was all that wanted to be written. I would be honoured if you felt it worthy of sharing, and if it might resonate with others too. What is the course you are doing? I have done some online courses in the evolutionary spirituality area too…

  3. Pingback: Stones and Connection | Napkinwriter

  4. Mairi Ann Cullen

    Thank you so much for posting this (I agree) HUGE ‘small stone’, Shanee. It’s such a generous thing to do, to put in words such difficult feelings and share it – so that, here on the other side of the world, I (and others of course!) can read it and breathe a sigh of relief, thinking, ‘Oh, so it isn’t only me who feels like that’. I hope your indication that this is your last small stone is not true? Whether or not you post (and selfishly I hope you do continue to post), please keep writing. You have a special talent. Love, Mairi Ann

    • Thanks, again, Mairi Ann, I want to keep posting, maybe small stones, maybe longer pieces, maybe other experiments! It has developed my writing practice and it is such a pleasure to be able to share pieces and hear from people, like you, that something I have written can touch someone else in a meaningful way. I think that is my aim. So, maybe a couple of times a week…I will see what kind of rhythm I can get into – am possibly about to start a new job…lots of love xx

  5. This is just lovely. Congratulations on starting this blog, well done on posting all your ‘Small Stones’ – and keep writing – I’ll keep looking in!

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