I want to be kind
But not a pushover
I want to be gentle and compassionate
But so often I am just grumpy and irritable
I want to be loving
But too often anger wins
I want to be content
But I am permeated by discontent
I want to be settled
But I seem to crave change
I want to be grateful
But really I want more
I want to be with others
But usually I’m more content alone
I want to be decisive
But it’s hard when faced with a thousand possibilities
I want to be here
But so often I really want to be there
I want to be happy
But I wonder too much what that really means
to truly be able to claim it
I want to be thin
But I resist the discourses of patriarchal culture
And pretend to eat what I like
I want to live in harmony and balance
But how will I recognize them
Without first knowing disharmony and chaos?
I want to be rich
But not at any price
I want to help
But sometimes I just want to sleep
I want to be intelligent, witty and clever
But mostly I just muddle through
I want to be original or grand
Rather than mundane or inadequate
But I’m working on genuine and authentic
Sometimes, I want to be you, or him or her
But always I am just me,
imperfect, whole
and truly blessed.